Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
