She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
