It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
