just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
