I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Randomize
