Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize