She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
