I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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