Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
