I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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