hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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