i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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