Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
