i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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