i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
