sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize