Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
