I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
