We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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