Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
