He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize