I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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