So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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