I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
