Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
