I'm so fucking centered right now
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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