I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
