whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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