She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
