marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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