She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
