The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
sex in a hospital.. check
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
