erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
