respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
