I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
