u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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