the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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