We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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