she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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