I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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