Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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