i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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