I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
