he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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