Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
