you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
