New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
