Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
