I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
