Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We have so much sex to catch up on
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
