I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Porn is love you can see.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
