You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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