I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
