lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
