Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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