drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
