"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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