I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
