I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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