I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
