is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
