Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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